35.....please tell me it is the new 20!

Today was it. The big birthday. Well, the big birthday in my eyes at least. For some reason 35 has always been a milestone for me. Maybe because 40 seems like the age when we are our parents. The kids are older and not quite as young and dependent on us. Maybe because it is some leftover perception from when I was young myself and 40 might as well have been 60 for all I cared or knew. The biggest reason though, is because it is the "magical" age of the gyno/ob's office where you fall out of the "normal" group and go flying headfirst into the "high risk" group. The group that suddenly has significantly higher risks of having a baby with special needs. The group that needs to be seen more often if you do get pregnant. The group that even needs to change their birth control hormone dosage due to "increased age and risks".

I thought this birthday would bring a bit more drama in my mind, but actually it wasn't so bad. I was even pretty proud of myself for not allowing what could have been a day-changing phone call to put a bruise in my otherwise perfect day. I focused on what is important, I stayed thankful for what I have, and I chose to see 35 as a badge of honor rather than the day I needed to run out to get some wrinkle cream and hair dye.

From college through 27, 8:30 at night would not be finding me at my computer blogging. I would either be starting my night early, or getting ready to start my night. The later of those years were spent with my now-husband having dinner before hitting the bars. And on my 28th birthday, I remember that my wish was that my next birthday I would be celebrating with a big belly. And that wish came true. When I turned 29 I was nine months pregnant. From then on birthdays have been spent with quick dinners out with my husband, worrying how the kids were doing at home.

I certainly haven't regretted one birthday (well, let me take that back. I don't regret any birthdays since my 16th, which was the most horrible birthday ever!) Things are different, but my one wish that came true is definitely also what started the best series of birthday presents I could ask for. Having children is my dream come true, what I have always wanted. This year I get my actual present on Wednesday. I am getting my first tattoo in over 10 years, check back later and I will have a pic!

Being smart can be a bad thing...even before you know what nerd means

I don't even quite know how to express how disappointing it was for me. Before kids, I used to have daydreams of how perfect that first Parent/Teacher conference was going to be. After all, I was a little Ms. "had to be perfect" student so my conferences were usually pretty good. And then came my son. Little Mr. too-smart-for-his-own-good. His preschool teachers LOVED him. All the girls thought he was so cute. All the little boys wanted to play with him. He was outgoing, smart, fun-loving and nothing could bring him down. He was beyond ready to start kindergarten.

I pretty much thought it was in the bag that his first "official" conference (aka Kindergarten) would be amazing. That his teacher would rave over how much she loved him and how popular he was with the other students, and how he was the smartest little booger she ever taught. I didn't really expect that I would walk away literally wondering what the hell just happened.

As a little disclaimer, I should say that I love his teacher. I have a great deal of respect for her. I think she is great with the students, she isn't a pushover, and my son enjoys her. I also volunteer in class and talk to her at least for a minute or so each day. So it isn't like we haven't talked before about my son. In the beginning of the year when he tested, she admitted that she didn't often see a student on the level of my son, particularly ones that were naturally born that way (yeah, I would love to say that I molded that little brilliant brain of his, but my body just naturally made it. I know you enjoy that positive twist there). She is the one that tested him and told me that he reads on the level of a fifth grader. And even though I resisted, I finally saw some of her thinking behind keeping my son reading books that seemed too young for him. I have also been warned by other moms of little brainiacs that "social issues" of some sort was going to become my battle. I can't say I wasn't warned. Disclaimer over :)

So back to the conference. Mrs. D. put a piece of paper in front of me where there were all three's. I didn't even have time to ask if that was good or middle of the road, much less look at what the categories even WERE before she waved them away saying "we both know he is good at all of that, what I am concerned with is..." and led me to the direction of listening and following directions. She told me that she is getting more and more concerned that he seems to just not be paying attention and not listening etc. Yes, I KNOW my son has a bit of an issue with getting distracted. I am the one that sets a timer for each activity he does in the morning and tells him to race the timer because I refuse to get up any earlier than the hour I think it should take us to get ready. But when the words "pediatrician" and "ADD" came out of her, I felt MYSELF stop listening to her and wondering what sort of alternative world I suddenly fell into. My son? The little man who is only five and can add and subtract, count money, tell time and read chapter books? We aren't going to talk about ANY of that? Instead I am hearing we have an issue? I need to get him tested-and not for what level of math he is doing?

I nodded my head and listened and agreed to get him tested. Mrs. D. told me that my son even sincerely told her thank you when she helped him by talking to just him and telling him what to put in his backpack before they left. She said that to her this indicated that he may really be struggling with remembering and taking in everything he was supposed to be. I sat there and listened like I used to when I would be having a conversation with my mom about something, and I knew she didn't understand what I really felt, but I didn't feel confident enough to say anything. Inside I was screaming that it wasn't that he didn't remember, he was thanking her because he loved the individualized attention that he was getting from her. He loved being recognized by her. He felt special because he was spending time with her. My mom gut knows this, my "parent in the teacher's office" side of me was afraid if I was wrong I would look stupid.

She briefly showed me some of his "example work". Again saying it was nothing we didn't expect, and she did point out how nicely he wrote his numbers. And then she got to a matching page, and as an example of him not really being "into it", she pointed out that his lines were wavy instead of straight. In some vain effort to make it up to him that I didn't stand up for him earlier, I too-forcibly declared that he did that because he thinks the wavy lines are more fun and look neater. Heck, if I wasn't challenged I would try to make my work more interesting, too.

And then came the final kicker. She said she would think about recommending him for early G&T but he would have to do beyond fantastic work on the test out. Well, if that is the case then we are screwed. The only way I get this boy to do beyond fantastic work is when I go to the computer and print out work that is above his grade level. Then he gets excited and takes pride in the work he is doing. Otherwise he is bored and does it quickly, just to "get it over with"

When I came home and saw other glowing status' about the conferences I felt let down. I wasn't angry or upset with my son, definitely not disappointed. How could I be? He is very very smart, way ahead of where he should be. He doesn't get into trouble, he isn't mean to other kids, she didn't mention any social issues. But I could see how it would be hard to be smart. If there isn't enough time in class, you are the one who is skipped for one-onone reading because "you can do it." If you are sick of counting to 100 by tens and decide to try to count to 10,000 in your head you "aren't paying attention." You are the only one on the level you are, so you aren't paid attention to, and you can't get recognized for progressing in your work because there is nowhere to go from where you are and what you are given.

We hope for the best for our children. While we rub our big round bellies we wish and dream that they will be so sweet and kind, generous and smart. What I didn't realize while I was rubbing that big belly was that it may have been easier for both of us if I just hoped for him to be average. But my son never has been average. He has always been exceptional. And it is up to me to be a stronger mom than I was and find a better than average answer to his problem. Because being smart shouldn't be a bad thing.

The dishes can wait

This morning my son and I managed to get up on time. Well, kind of on time. I only hit the snooze button once. (I was SO good when he first started school. We were always walking out the door early. Now we are rushing every day!). After I made him his breakfast, I started heading back to take a shower when he asked if I would stay with him. Not an issue, I grabbed my water and sat down at the table with him. We talked for a few minutes and then I started to feel antsy. I didn't want to stop talking with him, I was enjoying that, but since I wasn't eating my mind kept looking at the dishes that could be put away or cleaned and the trash that needed to be put out. I tried to fight the urge, but eventually I lost out and ended up doing the dishes while we chatted and he finished breakfast.

Now, I am not going to lie. Part of me is happy the dishes are done. I feel more relaxed and managed to multi-task and get something else done and now I have time to write this post and watch Jake and the Neverland Pirates with my daughter (sigh). But it did hit me that it is almost absurd that I can't just sit there with my son and not feel the overwhelming urge to do something else while sitting there. I can't help but feel that the dishes need to be put away RIGHT THEN, or that the floor could be getting swept while we talk.

Why can't we just sit and enjoy the moment? Why can't we just pretend the dishes don't exist for a little bit. I wish I could say that I will not continue this behavior, but I know I won't. I am too busy being busy to try and stop being busy. But it does make me think a little bit. And for the other meals, the ones that we do sit down for together, I am going to make sure that I keep my butt in the chair even if I finish long before they do. Dishes can wait until after dinner.

Have you looked today?

We go through our days with our to-do lists. School schedules, dinner, homework, bath and bedtimes. We do our best to spend time with our family, to make sure they are happy, and to do the best by them. The weeks are long and the years are short. Each time yearly events come back around, such as Halloween, we think of the last time we did the same event. We remember how small our children were last year. We look at those sweet faces that change so much in a year, we reminisce and miss the days that have passed.

As we walked through a trick or treat street this year, my daughter gripped on my hand tightly. My son just kind of meandered ahead, doing his own thing and groaning "moooooom!" when I touched his head. I thought back to when HE was the one gripping my hand. When the only thing that made him feel safe was his hand firmly in mine. We went through very mild haunted house, and my daughter whined a bit and reached up for me to hold her. Considering when she reaches up she can just about touch my shoulders, I usually tell her no. But I stopped for a second, and then reached down and picked her up. How many more times will this happen? How long until my baby doesn't want me to hold her anymore? In the next blink of my eyes will she be rolling her eyes as she stomps out the door to her boyfriend's car? Was it really so long ago that my son spent his Halloween in Children's Hospital after surgery?

With these thoughts firmly in my mind, I intentionally left my phone in my purse while we ate dinner together at a nearby Tokyo Joe's. Well, I take that back, I took the phone out to take their picture but I didn't even post it until we were done :).

I realize that in my daily haste, I sometimes forget to look. I answer their questions, I hug them quickly, I listen well cooking dinner. But sometimes I forget to really LOOK at my children. And then I remember, and I spend the next couple of days truly looking, memorizing their faces and their features. Imprinting their expressions and smiles in my mind and heart. I pay attention to the hugs (usually earning a "mommmm, let go!), I kiss a little more, I love a little deeper.

I always knew I wanted to be a mom. I always knew that doing so would change my life forever. But I never quite grasped the magnitude of the love involved in being a parent. There was no way to know the wonderment, fear, responsibility, emotion and miraculousness that would become my life. Their pain truly is mine (sometimes I think I feel it more), their accomplishments are my pride, their years are my life.

So I just want to look. I want to look and memorize each day. I want to look and admire the beauty that my body has made. And I want to treasure each second. Because you never know when that second is your last.

Children's Museum Trick or Treat Street

If you are still undecided what you are doing for Halloween this year, you should think about checking out the Children's Museum. It is definitely one of my favorite places any time of the year, but tonight was especially fun. Before I get into all they have for your kiddo to do, I want to tell you what MY favorite part of the evening was. The staff and volunteers. They were by far and away the extra special touch of the Halloween festivities. My daughter and I were playing in the shopping area, and my son came from the building place with the cutest egg carton spider. I was shocked he made it by himself, and then my friend told me that a volunteer sat down and did the whole thing with him. And the volunteers that helped them make the wind-ghosts were so patient. They were awesome.

In addition to all of the wonderful activities there are to do at the museum (and how did I miss that one of the exhibits changed and now there is a fantastic Kinetics exhibit?), they had treat stations both inside and out, extra little carnival games, tons of crafts in almost each area, dancing, and the theme of Halloween throughout. Even in the "vet" area, there were little monsters instead of animals. So super cute!


Children's Museum
2121 Children’s Museum Drive
Denver, CO 80211

Saturday and Sunday, October 27 and 28
9 a.m. - 7:30 p.m.

Price

• All activities are included with Museum admission

Parking

• $5 for non-members
• Free for members
• Space is limited