The comfort of....whatever.

Let me preface this by saying, I love my husband. He is, and always will be, my best friend. And this isn't even a husband bash session. I was simply sitting here today, mindlessly doing my laundry when I realized that things have changed. And not just the ONE major change of googly giddy kids to married. There is another change in there, (and I am sure many others that we simply haven't hit yet) but there has been another milestone I somehow missed. The one from "Ugh, is THIS what I signed up for?" to "Whatever, he is what he is, and I love him". To illustrate....

1.I remember our first New Year's Eve together. Why I had his clothes in my apartment before we were married, no idea (oh wait, yes I do know now. My husband has absolutely no care to put his clothes where they belong. Then or now. But then it was cute that he left something at my place. Whatever). Anywho, I was doing laundry as I waited for him to pick me up. Lovingly turning his socks rightside out and matching them. Smiling as I folded underwear. Dreamed of the day when I would do it all the time. Three weeks after we were married, this stopped being cute. Thoughts like "why can't you freaking turn your socks rightside out when you take them off, or your shirts, or your underwear, or anything else?? Is it really so hard?" After having the same argument time and time again, I realized WHATEVER! I have bigger fish to fry. The socks now get put together as they were. If you don't like turning them right side out before you put them on~take them off correctly.

2. When we first started dating, we were inseparable! Heck, we even worked for the same company, though different locations. After we got married, this barely changed except I knew I couldn't work with him. But we were even more inseparable. No going to the store without each other, we waited. No going to bed without each other, we went together. The biggest, though, was don't go to bed angry. Ever. This started actually when we were first dating. And then, after getting to the point where we were sick of falling asleep sitting up, we agreed to just calm down at least. Then I realized WHATEVER! Neither of us is going anywhere, we are in it for the long haul. I know I will have a completely different perspective than I do in the heat of the argument, and many times we have just "forgotten" about the idiotic fights of the night before.

3. His opinion. NO, I am not saying that it doesn't matter. But when we were dating it is ALL that mattered. Then we got married, and I asked for it on everything. What we should eat etc etc etc. Then we had our first. I included him in everything. Everything I bought, every decision I made, every every every. We would inevitably end up fighting, because who wants to hear "whatever you want, babe. Yeah I like it all" when you want an opinion. Now WHATEVER! Takes too much stinking time to wait to get a half-tooshied answer anyway. I still ask on the big things, but not everything anymore. Half of our kids Christmas presents are already bought and he probably already forgot what I told him that they are. I did my daughter's first birthday invites without any input from him, and I will probably also get all the party supplies without him. And guess what! We are BOTH happier this way. He gets out of doing some boring task that he cares about but doesn't have a huge opinion on anyway, and I don't have to get frustrated because he isn't paying attention at the party supply store and says he likes everything. He still gets input on the big things. But my perception of what is big has definitely changed.

4. This is the big one. Expectations. When we were dating I had high expectations. I expected him to be clean and smell good and pamper me and take care of things and protect me and blah blah blah blah Danielle Steele freaking blah. Then, we got married, and I got upset that I seemed to take care of everything, why couldn't he just help with bills? Where were my flowers? Why isn't he looking me up and down like he used to? Why isn't he standing in front of me when that scary guy approaches. Why can't he clean up more? Why can't he cook me dinner? Why isn't he romantic on Valentine's Day etc? Why doesn't he just get it? Why doesn't he ever give his opinion on the kids? And then...one day...WHATEVER! And the answers came to me. Only one person should deal with the bills to keep things straight, and since he will forget to pay them and I am controlling anyway, I should be HAPPY he allows me to do them without questioning how I could afford lunch with my girlfriends but not new socks for him. Even more he GETS why! He GETS why that lunch is so important to my sanity. And if he brought me home flowers I would wonder what he did wrong and then tell him how I could have spent that money on said lunch with my friend, or diapers, or.....and he doesn't look at me like that anymore because I haven't given him a reason too. I am sure that my sweats and sweatshirt would look sexy on, well, no one. He isn't standing in front of me anymore because he has seen the mama bear in me and knows I can take care of myself and my family. But he is standing right behind me! And about the kids? I am very lucky to have found a man that trusts how I am raising our children. He trusts the decisions I make. He trusts that they will be okay when he gets home. And those nights when mean mommy shows up and yells and then guilty mommy cries? He tells me that he has been there done that, and who wouldn't. The cleaning up....yeah well this is still an issue. But I guess I can deal with the dirty clothes that LIE ON THE FLOOR RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE STINKING HAMPER, and the toothbrush that gets left on the counter despite my efforts to move the charger to where the brush basically gets left anyway. After all, my husband IS coming home to me every night, and I don't EVER have to worry about violence in my home. And dinner? Well, he does cook lunch and since he doesn't do the shopping he doesn't know what we have anyway, and he never gives me crap if I say "yep, it is sandwich night." or "dinner is up to you!" And he may not be overly romantic, but the sucker can be thoughtful. I have learned to find romance when he tells me it is okay I have sat on my butt for two days, I needed the time off, or that it is important I spend five dollars for lunch with my friend, or he doesn't care what we do for the Holiday that he knows is important to me. And this boy is pretty thoughtful in his gifts. And really, when I was dangerously close to pre-eclampsia with my first son after my grandfather died, the fact that my hubby told everyone they needed to go through him with any information and let me sleep gave him brownie points for at least a few years!

So I am happy with the "whatever" stage of our life together. Yes, the passion and wow factor are gone, but hey, that just leaves room for the wow factor to come back when the kids are a little older. Gives me something to look forward to. And I have seen the most passionate of love affairs fizzle quickly. I am extremely happy that my husband and I have built a strong foundation under that sizzle. And isn't it fitting that our wedding song was "My Best Friend" by Tim McGraw. However, isn't it sad that I can't find ONE picture of just the two of us in the last two years? The closest I could do was date night with our friends....almost a year ago! We are on the left. No, your left, not my left.No, the other left. Right there! Are you confused? You aren't if you are married.