Karma can bite me

So, I had a long conversation with my friend today about Karma. Well, really we have a lot of these long conversations about Karma because it pisses us both off to no end. Yes, my friends, I am in the bitter barn. And unless you are one of the lucky few that Karma doesn't affect, then you know EXACTLY the type of person that I am referring to in this post. Today I was lucky enough to be shown the benefits of the Karma-less and it left me with a taste in my mouth more sour than the one I tasted the morning after my 21st birthday....


So, what I have learned.....If you don't want Karma to kick you in the rear here is what you must do

1. Join generation me. Nope, don't worry if you are like 40 and way too old to be thinking about no one but yourself. Who cares that you should have learned lessons by now and realized that how you think is a bunch of malarky and people do nothing but gossip about you behind your back (which by the way means these poor fools are going to get the Karma for gossiping because that is the way the world works!) about what a selfish idiot you are. The more self-centered you are, the more things will happen in your favor. 
2. Treat your children like they are nothing more to you than a tax refund check. And DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT, ever feel guilty for doing so. Steal the checks that come in their birthday cards, move them from here there and back without worrying about their well-being, use them to get what YOU want out of life. Hey, the more you do it, the more you will reap the benefits of the lack of Karma. 
3. Expect the rest of the world to take the punishment for your lack of caring and responsibility. Show up for work late for the fiftieth time. Don't worry, the poor sap that comes in late tomorrow will be the one to be fired. Even better, if you come in late AND drunk, then the next person will be the person they make the example of because it didn't happen to you and then it will be becoming a "problem". Spend all of your 401K money and run yourself dry. The money always turns up somewhere, and hey, if not you can still claim the unemployment check because you refuse to get another job that will negate this, even though you are capable of doing so. 
4. Do not, for one second, think about how your actions affect everyone around you. Don't care that lives are disrupted. Don't care that relationships are ruined, don't care that others go without because of you. Because the second you care, Karma will come and get ya. 
5. and finally, do NOT write a blog post like this, because if you do, it means you are nothing but the bitter person that Karma loves to feast on.

Thank you for allowing me to get the vent out. Now that I did that, I am able to go on with my Karma-filled life and be a better person for it. Tomorrow we will be back to our regularly scheduled programming of giveaways and Holiday Cheer!