Guns where guns just shouldn't be.

Among the overly depressing and terrifying headlines this morning, there was one that stood out to me. "Police: Gun in 4-year-old girl's backpack was loaded". Are you freaking kidding me? I know there are a lot of issues in the world. I know that some live in a much less desirable neighborhood than my own. I know that people have to protect themselves and their family. But why???


It got me to thinking how things have changed. I was not the popular girl by any means. Elementary School was hard but not horrible, and then Middle School is when it just started to suck. I will never forget the first time I was hit.

I was standing by my locker, checking out my fabulous "thump" as my mom called it (remember that? Where your bangs literal stood basically straight up in the air?) One of my "friends" who had heard some ridiculous thing that I actually said but wouldn't admit rumor came up behind me and whirled me around. I really don't remember what she yelled at me, but I remember that open hand coming towards me fast, slapping me with a sting that I think I just felt again and a humiliation that would plague me forever. I don't really remember what happened at this point. But I do remember getting home that night and wanting to crawl under a rock and never return to school. My sister declared she would teach me to fight, and my mom declared that if I ever did not stand up for myself again....well, the threat was left at that.

This was the first, but not the last. I had my fair share of fights. And while I was mentally and emotionally abused quite a bit, I was never beaten badly. I was never terrified for my life. I was never worried that if I tried to stand up for myself, I may get shot. It is an absolutely terrifying thought for me. It chills me to the core of my soul that a school shooting does shock like it once did. It used to be that kids would hear "I am going to kick your A*&." Now they hear "I am going to kill you", and unfortunately it isn't as figurative as it used to be.

I wish that I had some sort of solution. I wish that I knew how to protect my children. My husband laughs at me because I have seriously contemplated the new online schooling (because let's face it, I am not nearly patient enough to homeschool). I am not necessarily laughing. I just feel helpless in protecting my own children, even though that is supposed to be one of my biggest jobs.